Skip to main content

Happy Father's Day

               
          My family is from Petersburg, VA and I spent a lot of my childhood down there. My great grandparents were the best. My great grandfather recently passed away but while he was here he and my great grandmother spoiled me and my siblings just as they spoiled my Dad and his. When my grandmother (Dad's Mom) was a teen she met my Grandfather, one thing led to another and BOOM, my Dad was born. Their relationship was rocky and abusive causing my grandmother to come up north where my aunts were already living.  My grandmother cut off contact with my grandfather so my dad was raised in a single parent household with my Pop and great uncles being a huge influence in his life. But from the way the story is told it seems like there was always a void. My dad stayed in and out of trouble, from Philly to VA, and I never asked him what he was running from or to but I kind of have an idea. 
          Fast forward to now my dad has met my mom and he's still in and out of jail, minimal guidance from his dad, mainly from my Pop, but eventually he got it together. Jump back to the top and I spent A LOT of time with my grandparents. My dad showed his love by spending time and, yup, you guessed it, money. Little does he know I remember the time the most. My dad taught me how to drive, he attended every band performance, dance recital, oratorical contest and parent teacher conference. He bought me pads and purses. Sneakers and dresses. He took me on movie dates, dinner dates, shopping sprees. He took me to my first concert! I saw NSYNC in a brand new Guess set with bright blue Keds. My dad was THERE. But he was never THERE. We talked but looking back it wasn't about much. For a while when I was growing up I was so BITTER. All the boys around me thought my dad was the coolest. He picked me up from school often in his big black Ford. He cooled off a lot after his last visit to prison but he always had a little hood in him. His presence was intimidating. His decisions were often based on his past and not his present. I felt like people thought they knew but they had NO idea. But I love him in spite of it all.
          As I grew older I realized that my expectations for my dad we based on society's views not the reality of the situation. I mean really, at age 13 who can say, "my dad never had a dad but he's trying the best he can!" At age 25 I can say that but at age 13 I couldn't. As I grew older my relationship with my dad strengthened and I began to understand things better. My dad was the best dad he could be IN SPITE OF IT ALL.
Me &My Dad after my Great Grandfather passed away.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

numb. or not.

TheFreeDictionary.com defines 'numb' as: "emotionally unresponsive." 
I thought I was numb but I'm actually the complete opposite of that. I've felt every emotion imaginable in the past 24 hours. Denial, frustration, anger, confusion, pain. I've laughed, cried, screamed. I took a walk. I took a nap. I ignored some calls. I answered some texts. I think I'm still in some weird, warped form of denial. The loss of a loved one is insane. It's motions you go through and emotions you're absorbed in. And it never gets easier. In fact, I feel like as you get older and as more people begin to return home way too soon it's like, "oh no, not another funeral!"
When I was younger I wasn't where I am religiously or mentally. I didn't fully understand the power of having your whole life ahead of you and making every moment count. I surely didn't understand that you can't question His timing. You rely on it daily so to question it…

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

So. Clearly I haven't posted anything in about two weeks. I blame this little fact on LIFE. Well, actually, I would LIKE to blame life but I think I will blame REALITY instead. Life goes on around me and mentally I sometimes shut down. Luckily for me, when it comes to work I move in autopilot so I don't have to be fully present mentally to get the job done physically. 
Well. At least that's what I thought. These past two weeks that I haven't written I lost two people very close to me. One I grew with for almost a decade and one I've watched grow. One whom I share a bloodline with and another who is family but doesn't share a drop of blood with me. I pushed myself to keep going because I know life will keep going around me and I fear I'll get left behind. I force myself to bury my emotions because I don't want to appear broken, although if anything were to break me this would be it. I force myself to not only stand up straight and shake it off,…

press PLAY.

Music is my boyfriend. When I'm down and out, it makes me smile! It's the perfect balance of venting, praying, and listening to some good music that keeps me afloat. I was texting my silly goose Cali and I thought about how much music can really help you through a situation. The Bible places a huge emphasis on hope, faith and love so I got to thinking about a couple of my go to songs to help me out when I've lost hope, I'm lacking faith and in need of love. Don't get me wrong, prayer, personal time, venting, and all that are good modes of restoration but what's life without a soundtrack??

1. HOPE India.Arie, There's Hope India.Arie said it well:  "it doesn't cost a thing to smile, you don't have to pay to laugh, you better thank God for that..." "that's when I learned a lesson, it's all about your perspective..." I remember a time that I felt down and out and I almost CRIED listening to these lyrics. It IS all about perspect…