So. Clearly I haven't posted anything in about two weeks. I blame this little fact on LIFE. Well, actually, I would LIKE to blame life but I think I will blame REALITY instead. Life goes on around me and mentally I sometimes shut down. Luckily for me, when it comes to work I move in autopilot so I don't have to be fully present mentally to get the job done physically.
Well. At least that's what I thought. These past two weeks that I haven't written I lost two people very close to me. One I grew with for almost a decade and one I've watched grow. One whom I share a bloodline with and another who is family but doesn't share a drop of blood with me. I pushed myself to keep going because I know life will keep going around me and I fear I'll get left behind. I force myself to bury my emotions because I don't want to appear broken, although if anything were to break me this would be it. I force myself to not only stand up straight and shake it off, but I hold others up and encourage them to move forward. If I'm not a hypocrite I don't know who is.
I'm trying to become more in tune with my emotions. Whatever that means. It's hard because it's something new and unfamiliar but I feel as if it's necessary. Recently I felt like life was suffocating me. I feel like life is suffocating me. I think my biggest mistake came when I tried to push myself forward too soon. I won't share a proposal until its perfect. I won't post a recap until I've read, shared, and re-read. Basically I never do things prematurely. I have no idea why I never thought to apply my business life to my personal life. I shouldn't try to force myself through things. I need to take time to myself, come to terms with life, then move forward. One of my biggest fears is that I will become complacent with what I consider to be mediocrity. But. If I continue to delay my personal growth there's no way I can thrive professionally because as much as I try to separate the two lives I still am and always will be only one person.
@ms_shady (instagram + twitter)