On the Megabus on my way home. Back to Philly. My city. And I realized, I'm a different person than I was when I first started working out here. I've never been one to doubt myself but I feel like I'm more confidant. I'm still indecisive but I make better decisions. I've never hung my head low but I hold my head higher, my stride is different. Now I know my social life, love life, home life and everything in between has played a part in this change but I have to salute this city for the role it's played. I'm a small fish in a big sea but I love it. I prefer it. It forces me to prove myself. And it forces you to prove yourself. I say I work in New York and the room gets quiet. So when people ask what I do I tell them I work at a furniture store. I leave out the 'social media consultant, Gramercy Park, high end home decor' part. It makes them second guess me that much more. It's crazy how one place can instill so much fear yet still be highly respected. I know my way around the city more. I'm planning a move but I'm more realistic about it now than I was when I first moved. I'm still not networking as much as I want but the weather is breaking and that's all about to change. As long as I have bus fare and an oversized tote this city will be my second home. Until of course I move ;)
TheFreeDictionary.com defines 'numb' as: " emotionally unresponsive ." I thought I was numb but I'm actually the complete opposite of that. I've felt every emotion imaginable in the past 24 hours. Denial, frustration, anger, confusion, pain. I've laughed, cried, screamed. I took a walk. I took a nap. I ignored some calls. I answered some texts. I think I'm still in some weird, warped form of denial. The loss of a loved one is insane. It's motions you go through and emotions you're absorbed in. And it never gets easier. In fact, I feel like as you get older and as more people begin to return home way too soon it's like, "oh no, not another funeral!" When I was younger I wasn't where I am religiously or mentally. I didn't fully understand the power of having your whole life ahead of you and making every moment count. I surely didn't understand that you can't question His timing. You rely on it daily so to que...
Comments
Post a Comment