Guess Who's Bizack?

I totally need to clean this place up. It looks a mess. Let me apologize for this. I promise you by March 23rd when the site officially launches you won't have to look at this...mess of words. But in the meantime and in between time, this is it. This is going to be an AMAZING week. Covering FELA, A Raisin In The Sun, attending a Melanie Fiona concert and a spoken word event. Some say busy, i say material!!! I've been meaning to get back in the groove of writing just because instead of only writing reviews and I think I'm back. But it doesn't hurt that i have a couple reviews to show you guys too! I'm writing this from my office in New York so if you took the time to read my previous post then clearly things at work are going well. I regret deleting all posts before that but I promise to make up for it with quality posts in the future. I should be eating lunch right now instead I'm click clacking away. I wanted to get up close and personal with you guys before I hit you with my FELA review which I'll post tomorrow. I've said enough. Good day good people :)

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Dear Diary...

Dear Diary, So. Clearly I haven't posted anything in about two weeks. I blame this little fact on LIFE. Well, actually, I would LIKE to blame life but I think I will blame REALITY instead. Life goes on around me and mentally I sometimes shut down. Luckily for me, when it comes to work I move in autopilot so I don't have to be fully present mentally to get the job done physically. Well. At least that's what I thought. These past two weeks that I haven't written I lost two people very close to me. One I grew with for almost a decade and one I've watched grow. One whom I share a bloodline with and another who is family but doesn't share a drop of blood with me. I pushed myself to keep going because I know life will keep going around me and I fear I'll get left behind. I force myself to bury my emotions because I don't want to appear broken, although if anything were to break me this would be it. I force myself to not only stand up straight and shake it off...

numb. or not.

TheFreeDictionary.com defines 'numb' as: " emotionally unresponsive ." I thought I was numb but I'm actually the complete opposite of that. I've felt every emotion imaginable in the past 24 hours. Denial, frustration, anger, confusion, pain. I've laughed, cried, screamed. I took a walk. I took a nap. I ignored some calls. I answered some texts. I think I'm still in some weird, warped form of denial. The loss of a loved one is insane. It's motions you go through and emotions you're absorbed in. And it never gets easier. In fact, I feel like as you get older and as more people begin to return home way too soon it's like, "oh no, not another funeral!" When I was younger I wasn't where I am religiously or mentally. I didn't fully understand the power of having your whole life ahead of you and making every moment count. I surely didn't understand that you can't question His timing. You rely on it daily so to que...

TRUE LIFE: I'M A CONTROL FREAK

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a planner. That's what I do. I'm anal. I can't help it. I'm so anal that at times I even get frustrated with God because I can't figure out why my life doesn't go according to my plan. If you're the even the least bit religious I know you're shaking your head at me, insisting I have no plan, it all belongs to Him. I don't disagree but I honestly can't help it. I imagine I was a very detail oriented child. Playing house and making grocery lists while the other children actually played with the dolls. I say this to say that recently I've decided to challenge myself to sit back and relax. I joined a group called Pinky Promise (another post for another time) and our June challenge is to be more obedient to God's timing. This applies mainly to my confusion about love, employment and education. But I've also applied it to my daily life. I'm the least punctual person ever but I hate being late to...

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